I sometimes drop Ryan off at school so I can have the car for the day, often it is a thought provoking drive for me.
Just a few of the words that describe my big complicated relationship with BYU. I have never once looked back and regretted my choice to "drop out" my junior year and go for my dream. I loved every minute of hair school and I have never felt more right about anything. I still love doing hair, I love the opportunities it has given me. It just fits.
I have always intended on finishing my last 40 credits at BYU. I couldn't walk away from so much work, and money I had put into my degree. But more than that I think I just felt pressure. I felt pressure from my family. I felt pressure from anyone who asked me what I did, ans when I answered with hair, a judgmental look often followed. I felt pressure from myself. I felt not good enough unless I finished what I started.
Don't get me wrong, I have total respect for the academic world. I know how hard it is, and I understand why people need to finish. But for me, I realized that in this stage of my life...I need to be happy with the fact I lived my dream. I do hair. I love it. It is what I always wanted. I also have a little man. He needs a lot of my time and attention. My husband is in grad school. These things all add up to a sacrifice. I made my choice. I have no regrets. And yes, I still want to finish school, but maybe I will be 50 when that happens. I can not justify the expense, and the time I need to go to school right now. I have a role in my family, and right now it is to make money to support Ryan through school, and to raise Kyle.
I can't have any apologies. I will no longer answer questions about myself with "...and I have a few semesters left at BYU." I don't need to mention the BYU part of my life to feel good about myself. Right now my sacrifice is NOT finishing my degree. I fully see the other side of it and understand how finishing IS also a sacrifice. A worthy one. But as I withdrew from my class once again, I felt ok about it. BYU will be waiting for me...when I am ready. I am forever grateful for the years I spent as a full time student...but everything has a season, and school isn't in this part of my life.
I am always grateful for experiences like this to help my mind be opened to things. No matter how hard I try I can have my judgmental moments...and one experience at a time I like to think I am learning to eliminate those moments.
Well said! I respect that!
ReplyDeleteI will be forever grateful for the time you were at BYU ... it brought us together without question. I also love how you put this. We have to look at our situation to find what is best for ourselves and then be happy with it (which I think can be awfully difficult). You never cease to amaze me with your profound thoughts!
ReplyDeletewell said. :)
ReplyDelete