Wake up

For the last few weeks I have been pretty sick. Turns out I need my gallbladder out, but the surgeon has taken his time getting me in. Now I am just a few days away from the procedure and I can't wait to get it done and get back to my life. I am a believer in things happening for a reason, and yesterday I think I understood maybe one reason this has happened.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not pretending this is some HUGE deal. I know lots of people who have gone through it and the surgery is simple. But not feeling myself, and not feeling able to do my normal activities for a few weeks has taught me a few things.

I don't think I am alone in my struggles of feeling a bit worthless. As much as I am told that motherhood is a divine calling and the most important thing I can do with my life...the day to day feels pretty darn mundane at times. Besides the hair I do on the side, Kyle is my job. I love him, and I am grateful to stay home with him because SOMEONE has to do it, and I prefer it be me. Again, I am very GRATEFUL to be blessed with the chance to be a mom and that I get to stay home. But the lack of deadlines, paychecks, reviews, and adult validation makes me feel like I do nothing. So I often end up feeling worthless and like I contribute nothing to the world. Uplifting eh?

Well since I have been sick, my eyes have been opened. I have been so lucky to have help from friends and family and Ryan has been picking up a lot of extra tasks. BUT. Things aren't the same. Kyle is struggling, the house is falling apart, and our whole little world seems to be turning upside down. Watching this made me realize how much I do. Keeping Kyle healthy and happy, bathrooms scrubbed, floors steamed, laundry folded, errands run and dinners made might feel mundane to me, but it keeps us going. Someone has to do it, and believe it or not, I seem to be the best one to do it in our little house. It isn't glamorous and half the time it all goes completely unnoticed, but the million little things I do each day really do matter.

Yes. Sometimes gallbladders just go bad and that's all. But for me, I think the timing of all of this was to teach me I do matter. I do make a difference, and I am not easily replaced.