I'm scared, like terrified, to have another baby.
I'm scared to go through postpartum depression again...first months of Kyle's life were literally the very worst months of my life so far. I was beyond a mess. It surprised me, I was unprepared, and I didn't want to admit that to anyone. But it was a very dark place, and going back there scares me stiff. I am glad now I don't blame myself for feeling that way anymore. I dream of being a PPD awareness activist someday, cause holy smokes it is so real. People out there need to be aware, and to be helped.
I'm scared of gaining a million pounds and losing all my sense of identity like last time.
I'm scared to give a speech in public speaking tonight...eek.
I'm scared of how long this awkward hair phase of mine is lasting...my head is a bulb. Its cool.
I think it is ok to be scared sometimes.
I have overcome a lot of fears in the last few weeks. I'm proud of that.
I am obsessed with my chemistry class, which is both shocking and confusing. Doing chemistry with Ryan after Kyle goes to sleep is honestly something I look forward to.
I will never be a vegetarian and I wish one of my professors would stop trying to force it on us. Seriously guy, to each their own. Back off.
My favorite playlist is full of One Direction, Justin Timberlake, and the Beibs. And I am totally ok with that.
I feel happy and lucky to be living this life.
I want to redecorate my house, but I need someone else to pick everything out.
I sometimes feel like I am living in the twilight zone, but since it is a smooth ride I don't mind.
Ryan is my favorite person, best friend, and the coolest person I know. He is also hilarious, and plays air tennis really well while watching the Open.
I really look forward to going to class, even the hard ones.
Kyle is the coolest little kid I have ever known. I try to live like I deserve to have him around, cause he is a treat.
Doing something every single day that pushes me a little is proving to be a tiring, but awesome way to live. I really feel like I am growing. I am so grateful for it.
Have an awesome Thursday!
best post ever, really. the bulb thing made me lol. i am here for your decorating needs, and you are AMAZING! and yes it's okay to be scared. looove you tons.
ReplyDeletei so hope you have an easier time after baby this go round! i feel you on the weight gain thing too, i got so huge with Bronson. this time i gained much less but i still have weight to lose and none of my clothes fit 2 weeks postpartum. boo! can't wait to be able to really workout again! good luck with everything!!
ReplyDeleteOvercoming fears is the best feeling ever! PS- about postpartum depression, I remember it well. It was the strangest time. Here I was with a beautiful, healthy baby and I would cry for all sorts of things. And the anxiety...don't get me started. I feel ya', sister. Hang in there! I too hope you have an easier time after baby number two.
ReplyDeleteI had horrific depression postpartum with Amy, which continued into perinatal depression during my pregnancy with David, which continued into postpartum depression with David.
ReplyDeleteI was prepared for PPD with David, and was actually on medication beginning my third trimester with him because my depression was so bad. Because of that, my depression was milder postpartum than it had been.
Make sure your OB knows about your PPD with Kyle. Make sure s/he knows about your fears of it this time around. Have a plan in place. Most universities have a health/wellness center that offers mental health services for very little money, if you need to see a therapist. Make sure Ryan knows about the signs/symptoms, and that he is keeping an eye on you. Most importantly:
DON'T be afraid to ask for help, or to voice your difficulties. It is NOT a failing on your part. And it will get better. ((hugs)) I hope you avoid it this time around, but be prepared in case it does happen. To be honest, I am also terrified of what will happen the next time I get pregnant.
when i was pregnant with #2 i had the exact same feelings. i was mortified of having ppd again (and gaining a ton of weight, again) becuase i didn't remember the first 6 months of my oldest daughter's life. i'm still sad that i don't remember any of it. i agree with what laura said. make sure your doc knows about your ppd and keep him posted on your feelings whether or not she/he asks about it. just because you had ppd with your first doesn't mean you will have it with your 2nd. i didn't. i also didn't gain as much weight with #2. try not too worry. hang in there.
ReplyDeleteAnn - (ryan's cousin)
its ok to be scared Julie. I personally love your hair and I think you are so beautiful! having baby #2 for me was amazing. I had a little ppd with my 1st, but not bad-it was mostly because of breast feeding with her, I had major milk issues..anyways with #2 I didn't breast feed at all and It was so awesome! I felt like myself, and I loved my baby as a newborn instead of dreading her cry, I got excited to cuddle with her and feed her. you'll be fine, now you know what to expect right?! and I'm just down the street, you call me anytime :)
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