...Too Much Fun...: Yesterday

I blog to document life. Yesterday something big happened. Kyle and I flew home from Texas, where we had spent two fabulous weeks with my bff sister. I will blog about that trip later, for now I want to write about five amazing minutes I experienced on that flight home.

Some people feel like a mother from the minute they see their positive pregnancy test. Others feel it when they hear their baby's heartbeat, or feel its first movement. More still join the mom club the minute the baby is handed to them for the very first time. This wasn't the case for me. Don't get me wrong, I have always felt a deep love for my little Kyle, but that magical connection and amazing feeling of being a mom was never there for me. I would always hear women talk about how amazing it was and all that stuff, and I sort of felt out of the loop. Of course I love Kyle, and I would do anything for him, but something was missing for me. I couldn't fully relate when these others moms would talk about that special bond.

I was nervous for the flight yesterday just because flying alone with a little man is the sort of thing that makes me nervous. About an hour into the flight I was just staring at Kyle while he was very intently playing with my necklace on my lap. The necklace that didn't at all match my outfit, but I knew Kyle loved playing with so I wore it anyways. As I was staring at him something just flipped on in my brain. I was his mom. I thought about our journey that day of checking in (where they took my stroller..lame) and then carrying our two large bags and Kyle through the ordeal of security then all the way to our gate. I also had managed to make a bottle while holding him and all our stuff. Then I knew just how to keep him happy and entertained in the flight with the bag I specially packed full of all his favorite things. I had just finished tickling him until he could hardly breathe because he was laughing so hard. Then there I sat watching him play with the outfit I had chosen to wear solely to entertain him. I am not saying I am amazing or anything, any mom does stuff like this and much more. But for me, it all amounted to something magical. I felt like his mom. It felt amazing. I suddenly felt fulfilled and I felt that bond. The magical bond I had heard other talk about. Then all of a sudden out of nowhere, Kyle laid his head on my chest and zonked. Totally asleep cuddling with me. It was like he knew I was having some intense moment and wanted to make it even better. This euphoric feeling lasted a few more minutes while I listened to him snore on my chest. Magical.

The intensity of that feeling didn't last long. But it has made a lasting impact. After almost 10 months of pregnancy, and another 10 months of motherhood, I feel the part. I feel like his Mom. And that feeling, has changed everything for me.